It’s Christmas Eve and we’ve just left a wonderful dinner at our friends’ house. It’s an hour before a beautiful candlelight service at our church and I’m sitting on my cold bathroom floor in front of the wall heater. Our kids have asked me repeatedly if I’d get the pickle presents ready (they each find a pickle ornament hidden in the Christmas tree, then receive their first gift). I’ve told them to give me a few minutes to find a comfortable position in my room to help the nausea that has been on and off since I awakened at 5 AM this morning.
I suppose I could have the flu, but the rest of me feels just fine when each nausea wave passes over. In fact, I feel great if I’m out walking briskly in the cold air for a long time. But sitting inside and thinking about how I feel makes it worse. It’s actually the same feeling I had when I was a few months pregnant – nauseous on the edge of throwing up, but not able to.
Never would I have imagined getting on the computer on Christmas Eve, given that I have a personal rule not to be on a computer any time that we and our kids are at home together, which is almost all the time. (Someone in the world has to be off a device for our kids’ sakes.) But it’s helping my mind shift from thinking of my physical state to thinking of my literary state.
In the span of about four or five months, I have experienced memory loss, vision loss, appetite loss, energy loss, arousal loss, positive attitude loss, blood loss, sleep loss, patience loss, putting-up-with-other-people’s-crap loss, thigh muscle pain, and all kinds of other things I’m forgetting right now. Is this the new me? From 43 on? Forgive me, family, for I will sin…
I hear you Edee❤️