Navigating Burlesque and its Deeper Meanings

Last Friday I was in the mood for a movie at the theater. I went online to check what was playing and realized it was the burlesque performance instead. There were seven seats left that night, and the next night was sold out. Burlesque shows aren’t typically on my radar, so I hadn’t thought about it at all until then. I immediately remembered hearing several people remark the previous year about how good the performances were. I knew I could expect plenty of locker room talk and sexual parody, but I wasn’t entirely sure what I was getting myself into. I bought a ticket that said the show would start at 7 o’clock, or at least that’s what my sometimes-faulty memory told me. I arrived at 6:40 hoping to get a seat somewhere near the middle, and when the doors opened, I chose an aisle seat halfway down.

As people slowly filtered in, it was immediately apparent that the start time wasn’t 7 o’clock. I was sitting there for over an hour, waiting. This little detail will have a larger significance in a few moments…

The master of ceremonies was a visitor to the island, as were a handful of the performers who would be dancing in solo and combination acts in between performances by Orcas locals. The MC began, and between the risque jokes, we were given the basic guidelines for the show: whoop it up loudly and encouragingly so that each performer is not looking out at a quiet, glaring audience; tip generously in between each act to support each dancer or group; and be ready, aisle folks, to help undress or connect with any performer that happens to come your way and need a little help unlacing their garments – but don’t touch the performer unless given the okay.

So here I had been looking like I was staking my claim on an aisle seat from the moment the doors opened. I couldn’t have wanted that aisle seat any less when I realized what was about to happen! Oh, in my fright, how I wished I could instantly teleport to a middle-of-the-row seat! I had even been asked earlier if I wanted to keep my aisle seat or switch it. How awkward and uncomfortable I immediately felt! (At least I can laugh about it now!)

The show began with a bang. The curtains opened to a visiting performer who was fully clothed and had one chair as a prop. Within 30 seconds, she had nothing on but nipple stickers with hanging tassels and a tiny thong. In an instant I was in over my head, sitting in a crowd of 200-plus people – some who were the minimum age of 18 – experiencing one of the most uncomfortable things in my life. All I wanted to do was evaporate and reappear on Crescent Beach to look at the stars and stand in the quiet peacefulness of nature’s grandeur. But here I was in a theater of cheering people, all eyes trained on the nearly-naked body of a woman going through the motions of spread-legged self-pleasure. I know that may sound like a mental fantasy, but the stark reality of a crowd sitting in chairs and watching a woman in this way was deeply saddening to me. My first thought was that someone like Donald Trump would be feasting on such a sight, and I had a hard time reconciling the idea that some of the very people who would hate that about him were sitting in those very seats and cheering their hearts out. Judging by the crowd, many of the people were the type who probably consider themselves enlightened, advanced, forward-thinking, progressive, and may even use the word patriarchy in their weekly vernacular when they think about the illnesses of the world. The inconsistencies were a bit daunting to me.

I was also struck by the powerful feeling the cheering of such an act suggested. Women – many who would call themselves modern feminists – were cheering on another woman who was taking her clothes off and gyrating in front of married men, married women, 18-year-olds on a date, supportive grandmothers of other performers, single plumbers, you name it. The message was that it’s great. The message from elders in the room to young people in the room was that it was unequivocally acceptable. The message, whether intended or not, was that everyone in that room approved.

It is very important to me that people speak up when crowd dynamics cause some to think they are alone in their discomfort. To anyone there who felt equally uncomfortable or who was trying to get a read on what is okay and not okay in society, I will tell you right now that not everyone in that room felt okay.

I know I brought it upon myself. It’s my own fault. I shouldn’t have been there.

I wanted to walk away after the first act, but I also wanted to know what the locals planned. As the show went on, there was an alternation between locals doing dances that were parodies and non-local “professionals” showing the crowd as much as they could show aside from two little tasseled dots and a thin strip of covering.

Another thing that hit me hard was the amount of tip money that flowed out of pockets and purses between acts. I found that very interesting. I’ve never been to a show that collected tips in between performances. Only in sex shows? If major tips happen for people taking off their clothes, I think we should tip equally if not way more for people in other performances. Next time SeaDoc has a science night, they should collect tips after the sea lion documentary and the visiting scientist’s presentation!

I was also hit by the blurring of concepts. I support – and feel protective of – people who do not define themselves as female, male, or heterosexual. But gender and sexual orientation do not necessarily equate to performance sexuality in the form of stripping in front of audiences, yet one might assume they go hand in hand when watching something like a burlesque show. Because burlesque blows through societal boundaries in a heartbeat (as experienced in the very first act of the show here), perhaps it is a comfortable place for people who have been confronted with constricting societal norms.

I bring all of this up because I would like to ask you, reader, what qualities you think are important about burlesque and its existence in our culture. I hadn’t originally even thought of this as being part of the “Navigating” series that I’m working on, but it has brought up many emotions in me and I want to understand more. I have grown up in certain structures that are social, cultural, and emotional. Those structures give me security. We all grew up in different structures that define what we feel as safe, comfortable, dangerous, right, wrong, etc. Some of us will keep our same structures for life, whatever they may be. Some of us are actively working on redefining and reframing our structures. Some were born into unsafe, dysfunctional structures and are breaking them down and rebuilding new structures.

If any of you would like to sit down and reflect on this, tell me what I am missing. Tell me what I didn’t see at that show. Tell me why that show was important. Haven’t women been trying to get away from being objectified in this way for millenia? Is it acceptable now that women say it is? I’m totally confused.

I think it’s essential that we all get closer to understanding each other. I care about every person that was on that stage, whether I know them personally or not. I care about what they have experienced, I care about what their challenges and hardships have been, and I care about how they are seeking to live out a life unconstrained by barriers they have felt. If I were to play devil’s advocate, I could answer my own questions in my own way, as if I were one of the performers. But I would rather hear your thoughts, your experiences, and why you felt completely differently than I did that night.

I would especially love to hear from the visiting performers themselves. Perhaps I will email them.

I also must add that I don’t know what happened after the intermission. When the break began, I walked out and headed toward Crescent Beach, breathed in the crisp, cold air, gazed at the stars, then walked home and looked over the top bunk at my peacefully sleeping child. I had to refill my safety tank.

I want to conclude with one final thought: if you, too, felt uncomfortable, it’s more than okay. Our culture oversexes people with movies, songs, and media everywhere. It tells young people and adults that worldliness is feeling savvy about every sexual topic. I also want to say that if you are navigating life not defined as male, female, or heterosexual, please know that exploration of yourself doesn’t necessarily go hand-in-hand with things like blunt, shocking forms of sexual activity, especially if such things make you feel uncomfortable. Be who and how you need to individually be.

If you would like to comment on anything above, I welcome what you have to say from any direction, especially if it is not where I’m coming from. I am not posting this to ask for voices in agreement with me or “against” the show. On the contrary, my hope is that many different people from many different directions will chime in. I will love learning from anyone and everyone.

You can leave a comment below or if you would like for me to post your response on this blog, email me directly at edeekulper@gmail.com as long as you write with a desire to connect, understand, and enlighten rather than insult or harm.