Take Care of Yourself

I’ve been talking a lot about the festivities each week, but it’s really important not to gloss over the hardships.

Some people are lonely and isolated from loved ones. Some people are surrounded by the same loved ones and are lonely for everyone else they can’t visit. Some are having a really hard time with the compounding aspect of darkness and the perpetual lack of sunshine, as the removal of daily brightness has very real impacts on the psyche. Some are in the midst of difficult changes – sandwiched between children and parents who all need care; worried sick about health issues and their sky-high costs; saddened by argumentation with children who are pulled to devices after two years of canceled events; forlorn over relationships that these COVID years have altered. Some do not have enough money for food, gifts, or bills. Some – tornado victims, refugees, orphans, the physically and mentally frail – lack almost everything right now.

I’ve been thinking about this a lot. I have a handful of the issues above and often brainstorm healthy ways to remain in a positive frame of mind about them.

I grew up in a family in which many members sought out unhealthy “solutions” to their problems. Some swallowed their sadnesses with food. Some drank to forget everything for a few hours every day. Some did drugs to check out of normal life completely. Some binged on TV all day to feel love, family, and excitement. Some gamed to distract themselves with dopamine and exhilaration. Some just shoved their emotions away and decided to be numb.

I’m lucky. I watched it all. My whole life, the people around me have taught me vicariously that none of those paths provides a real solution to any problem. But sometimes I can feel down that more and more people seek out those options every day. When they do, I lose a family member for a time. I lose a friend for a time. I lose the potential of meeting a new acquaintance, or I realize when I meet them that they’re buried in baggage they haven’t dealt with.

I suggest that there are some very real ways of meeting your challenges that are unbelievably simple. So simple, people tend to forget about or dismiss them completely. Ponder these…

• Buy some Vitamin D – sometimes one of the most basic things isn’t being produced in your body due to the lack of light.
• Go to bed at a decent time at night. In these electronic days, sleep can be considered a nuisance, or something to be traded for something that’s “more important.” But it’s a miracle-worker for the body, repairing systems and restoring optimism.
• Find a form of exercise you really enjoy. Or at least one that satisfies you in a peripheral way. The natural effect of using your body is feeling some positivity from endorphins. Don’t force it on yourself, like a gym membership you know you won’t use. Consider walking on the beach with a different friend each day so that it’s not about drudgery, it’s about sorely needed social time. Try running on the track if you used to be a runner. I saw some people in the school gym doing Pickleball – check out when they meet. I love a really heart-pumping workout, and in the COVID times I found the MadFit channel on YouTube. I love the challenging workouts, and it’s free. I can do them anytime, as many or as few as I want.
• Take a mental health day – a break from your worries – and do something you love to do (without worrying about what you’re setting aside).
• Revisit your dreams and think about the first step you can take to achieve the first goal in those dreams. Decide ahead of time not to allow one ounce of feeling overwhelmed. Just take a baby step and see how it feels. Then take another one. I decided to do that a few months ago, and I’m thrilled about the book I will soon publish. I didn’t let any of my doubts seep in. I banned them. I also decided that any challenges that come up aren’t obstacles; they’re roadblocks keeping me from mediocrity and turning me to better options.
• Watch a movie or listen to a talk about space and the immensity of the universe. This is seriously helpful. When we are reminded of how small our little problems are on this minute speck called Earth, it’s unbelievably freeing. The new perspective can change your whole life’s trajectory.
• Go to an event (safely), even if you’re not feeling all that sociable. Have conversations with others. Get outside of your house, your room, your head.
• Call the Senior Center and ask for some help or companionship. They will connect you with volunteers who are standing by to be there for you.
• Pick up the phone and volunteer to help with one of the organizations or schools here on the island that would welcome you with open arms. It feels amazing to be needed, and sometimes feeling needed fixes all kinds of wounds. You often don’t need to have any particular skills. Sometimes all you need is love.
• Give presents to a child for Christmas through the Giving Tree at Island Market. Choose a tag with a child whose age and needs sound interesting to you, and get presents to light up their Christmas morning.
• Donate to one of the many organizations on the GiveOrcas.org site, or click on “Grant Catalog” to see other groups that have specific requests this month.
• Do something wild and spontaneously giving to someone who crosses your path, even if they don’t seem needy. Pay for groceries for someone behind you in line at the market, or listen to that almost inaudible whisper in your head that suggests some idea out of the blue that isn’t monetary.
• Go to the Christmas Eve service at one of the churches in town to feel ensconced in coziness, warmth, and love. It’s also a way to be immersed in the power of singing with others. It’s not psychosomatic – singing does statistical wonders inside your brain and other organs. It’s almost impossible not to walk out feeling joy.
• Pray for people whose problems are bigger than yours. If you believe in the power of prayer, it will help them and it will shrink the heaviness of your issues.
• Decide to love yourself without judgment, inside and out, because you are miraculous and your life matters.

You can also find this on the December 19th Sun Days column on The Orcasonian here.